Flora and Fauna

Romania is positively rife with vampires, dhampires (half-human, half-vampire creatures), werewolves, wolfmen and undead trees. The Romanian Striped Zombie, however, is threatened by poachers and declining sources of fresh brains. In late 2004, a single wild goat was reportedly spotted nibbling on an electric fence just outside Bucharest, but the rare sighting has not yet been confirmed. In spite of its precarious living conditions, the most famous animal in all of Romania is the majestic purple breasted chupacabra. Truly a wonder of nature, this nocturnal predator, reluctant to breed in captivity, is hunted and savagely milked, for chupacabra milk is a key ingredient in most, if not all, sacred Rumanian beverages.

It is known that the inhabitants of this land are very attached to the animals, living in communion. A very good friend of the people is the bear wich is respected and turned into carpets or exibits in the Museum Antipa (the epicenter of the living flora and fauna).

From ancient times the bear was appreciated for its *** (paw), wich became the symbol of this lovely creature. The kind people are worshiping the animal god for its existance by making a tribute: dau la ***("giving to paw").

This term is used frequently in expresions like "you're a pawer" (you respect the bear a lot), "sad paw" (a man is sad because the spirit of the bear left him) or "you give to paw at Andreea Marin" (Andreea Marin helped you rediscover the bear inside you). When a female gives the male a paw it is the begining of a relationship under the authority of the bear spirit and the male is satisfied after this custom, thanking the bear later by giving a paw from the memories.

The worst species that inhabits Romania is probably the edit warrior, which in his blood-lust and rage destroys everything wherever he goes. The Romanian Institute of Demography has seen a 376.28% rise of this species since the creation of wikis on the web. In 2048 AC, the nation of ROMania itself was re-built entirely from non-volatile ROM, placing it beyond the reach of the edit warriors.

However, a dark cult seems to be rising in power these days and seem poised to challenge the edit warriors as Romania's worst creatures. Its members are called "The devil's animals" (animalele dracu) and can often be found in a stuporous state on buses. Former President, mister Iliescu(or Iliescov), made good use of his college studies at KGB University and recognised the power of this dark cult as key to his ascension to Presidency. This bond was easily observed in the way he was affectionately calling cult members, "mai animalule".

Flora is represented by large rubber trees which Romanian people use to make ciunga, a traditional dish. One can also find a lot of mint (menta) plantations, as mint is used in almost all activities with which Rumanians amuse themselves, especially mintrubbing (a freca menta), a deeply meaningful activity explained in more detail here. (You will also find there information about two other major Rumanian pastimes: burning gas and cutting leaves for the dogs - see Government section)

Romania is a land also full of wild packs of communists. These communists (like Ilici Iliescovici, Ciupanezu, Mihai Eminescu, Miron Cozma, Cabral, Gigi Becali, Marcel Pavel, Godzilla - also known as Mozilla, Serban Huidu, Andreea Marin and Ceausescu, the leader,) live in the beautiful Romanian jungle.

1. Food: They eat almost everything from twigs and worms to newspapers and Lego toys. If they can't find anything to eat in the jungle, they turn to the countryside where they hunt for the magnificent, yet dangerous Chupacabra, pushing this wonderful species further down the road to extinction.

2. Sex: They are sexless. They reproduce solely by invoking a committee on this or that problem.

3. Language: How do they talk to each other? Simple! The communist language (also named "the wooden tongue", since they live in the woods). It's very simple to learn. You just need to know Romanian, and add at the end of each word "-oiodo".

Ex: the national anthem in communist language: Alooiodo. Suntoido euoiodo, unoido haiducoiodo. (Hello! It's me, the local Robin Hood alias Bombonel).

 

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Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli

People

Romanians are still a mystery to scientists, but the following facts are known:

• They have furry, smelly, yet incredibly delicate feet.

• For several years in the late 1960s, they served the Dark Lord Sauron (now known as Lord of the Dance; not to be confused with Saurug or Saruman).

• There is nothing in the world more powerful than a Romanian person drunk on ţuică or palinca, two magical Romanian potions. Moreover, as the underlying tectonic plate spins at about 750 RPM, Romanians have an amazing innate sense of balance which will keep them standing upright even when reaching alcohol-induced coma.

• They pray every night to Ceausescu, the Romanian god.  

• In some region of Romania people are half vampires. They support the light of the sun. When the sun is on sky they are human, but when the night comes they become vampires and they are searching for victims.

• Zdob si Zdub is good. But Grandma too much loves drums.Yach!

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Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli

Relations

Romanian mating rituals while playing manele MP3 music are dark and mysterious, probably because there is no electricity in Romania (how can they listen to MP3s without electricity?! Damn, we're stupid for not finding that out!)

The raising of children in Romania is also a mystery to scientists all over the world. Although we are certain that they do feed their children with *** milk, there is evidence that they also leave their children in the care of wolves or other wild animals, following traditions from their long lost Roman Empire. Responsible parents will leave their offspring in state-owned orphanages that provide the best upbringing through proper education, a balanced diet and regular physical exercises. As a result, foreigners are bidding fortunes for the chance of adopting these super-children from orphanages.

The Romanian children that were not so lucky to be admitted in an orphanage are brutal and have a 95% chance of becoming manele singers and performing dark rituals. Until their adulthood they are mostly violent, stupid as Hell, and prone to revelry in mindless parties accompanied by lots of Tzuica, Ursus Beer and manele. They have a habit of making wild sounds inherited from their adoptive animal parents. The wolfman dance is a ritual at every wedding in Transylvania.

If by some mistake the Romanian children escape the dreaded Manele Virus they are doomed to live dupa blocuri or "in the 'hood" where they live a life of joy and liberation under the influence of weak narcotics like [[aurolac]].

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Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli

Tourism

Tourism in Romania is a relative new national sport. Romanians tend to gather in herds in certain times of the year (like the 1'st of May, The International Labourer Day) and go devastate every piece of nature that resisted the previous year's onslaught. When he/she is in the middle of nature, the average Rumanian tends to get melancolic and gets in the mood for some very loud, broken-heart music (aka manele).

After setting up his chosen location and playing the music at the 20000W car stereo, the Rumanian starts to prepare the national dish, the mici (smallies). The "mici" (not to be mistaken for the "muci", the product of the national sport, nosepicking) are at their best served with mustard and a pint or two of beer (or 5, or 6 - who can count them after 10?).

Smallies are a mixture of all types of meat and spices (such as garlic - to fend off vampires, onion - to fend off family, and salmonella), tenderly moulded by old gypsy women who never washed their hands in a somewhat tubular shape. Although you would not expect it, the Rumanian actually cooks the mici, by placing them on improvised stoves or barbecues, called gratare, which are constructed with the sole purpose of producing the maximum amount of smelly smoke in order to annoy the neighbours that don't own one. From bird cages to supermarket trolleys - anything can be converted into a 'gratar', which, you have to admit, is extremely convenient.

After finishing their relaxing day in nature, the Rumanians make sure not to leave the garbage in one location, on the spot, but scatter it all around, so that the few surviving forest animals choke on it (thus the Rumanian lives up to his hunter-gatherer reputation).

A very important tourist attraction of Romania is The Ol'-Bitches' Stone also known as "Babele". Near it is the not so spectacular StonedDude or "Sfinxul" (in Rumanian). If will ever have the privilege to visit Romania, don't miss it!

 

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Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli

Culture

One of Romania's greatest sculptors, Constantin Brancusi, has sculpted a piece called Coloana Infinitului, or "The Column of Infinity" in English. It is considered a masterpiece nowadays but the truth is that the sculptor was a savage man who fell into a very deep hole as a child and his parents dropped him a large tree trunk to help him get out. It took him years to chop the column from the tree trunk until he could use it as a ladder.

Because it took so long for him to complete his escape he named his ladder "The Column of Infinity." It is still unknown why his parents didn't drop a rope for him to get out or how he survived in the hole surrounded by and feeding on his bodily residues.

 

Music

Rock culture is starting to grow in Romania. This year (2005) many rock bands performed in Romania, and more are scheduled to do so in the future. Megadeth is an example. Adi The Wonder Boy, the hard rock legend, will open the Megadeth concert with his brutal, yet soft crow-like voice.

Another style of music very popular in Romania is "manele". It's positioning among the currents in contemporary music is controversial. Some say it is more like dub, some assimilate it with trip-hop, it even has been stated that it is closely linked with Shostacovitch. This type of music has nevertheless prehistoric beginnings, many countries seem to have imported and adapted it, sometimes spoiling it (see Britney Spears, for instance).

The leaders of the manele genre, in Romania, are Adrian Copilu' Minune (Ady the Wonder Kid), lately known as Adi de Vito (without any resemblance to Danny DeVito; the name actually refers to "Vito!", a customary Rumanian greeting meaning "You cow!"), and Nicolae Guta (or Gootzah, for the manele lovers with a hip-hop side), a.k.a. Guta Reynolds. Although Guta is the recognized king of manele (he was crowned live during the Teo -one of Oprah's disciples- Show), these two are in a constant fight for supremacy in the manele business and in the poor Rumanian's heart.

Present day Manele are arabian-like songs which are played all night long at parties in Oltenia and Moldova provinces of Romania. The best manele song is Vecini si dusmani. The main idea of the song is Let's party and don't let the neighbours sleep

Nevertheless we should also mention that Gutza, the great poet/musician, not long ago had a heart attack when receiving the news that he won the Nobel Prize for Peace in 2005.

A strong appearence on musical scene is the PARAZITII (The parasites) - hip hop band with economic influences that speaks about the romanian currency ,about their strong competitors from the manele section to which they send friendly greetings; they sound like, "muje voua si celor care va asculta" (we are great friends let`s have a drink - TUICA) or "esti un taran in pantofi si cu telemea pe dinti" ("i like your tooth-paste and especially your RICCI shoes"). They are great boys( Ombladon - sort of embrio, Cheloo = The bald drinking man and FDD = Freaka Da *** ).Last but not least, they really enjoy marching for the legalisation of the "iarba", generally known as "weed".They think it's a good a idea to smoke one before dinner, at dinner, after dinner and if there's any left, after the one you smoked after dinner.

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Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli

Sport

The favourite sport of the Rumanian football players is drunk driving while listening to hard-core manele. This extracurricular activity recently led to the qualification of Romania's national team directly to the final of the 2006 World Cup, which, as a tribute to the razboinicul luminii, Gigi Becali (the Warrior of the light), will be held in the tycoon's home basement in Pipera.

The qualification session was quite an adventure, with Mutu the Inhaler playing in his spare time at two football clubs (Chelsea and Juventus). Despite his late training session (which he conducted at his third club, the F.C.M. Exotic Dance Club of Ciorogîrla) on the night before the qualification match, Mutu managed to overcome his tiredness before the very important match by using his magical white fairy dust. And, because fairy dust makes you fly over puffy velvet clouds with hordes of pink seagulls, Mutu had no problem flying through the opposing defence right into the stands.

With the force of Mutu by their side, Romania's squad had no problem to win the match, although the opposing team, a mixture of world top class players, claimed that the referee (internationally known Grigory Blatovsky) was against them. This match set a new record, with 22 penalties awarded to the Rumanians and 15 goals cancelled for the opposing team. It ended 1-0 for Romania, with a goal scored in the 9th minute of stoppage time by an intoxicated romanian fan.

Might be interesting to know that, because the match was played on Rumanian soil, the foreign goal-keeper was blindfolded while having to stay in one foot with his hands tied behind his back. We will be back with more details from the final, scheduled to be played when the Rumanian players return from their bonus trip to Mars.

A new sport almost emerged: maddogg hunting. It was like this: the maddoggs were once maddpuppies. They were forced to live in the catacombs beneath Bucharest eating only expired plastic bags (a powerful mutagen agent). After two years of plastic eating, the maddpuppies reached maturity. They started hunting rats, maddcatz and the occasional human that dared get out after sunset. The maddoggs started organizing in maddpacks, tribal like organizations in which constant fights were led for supremacy. The maddpack leader usually had an opposable thumb at the 4th foot. The hunt began when the maddoggs started to organize a plot to overthrow the government (after they invented a new way to clean the toilet). The great maddogg crusade was led by Basescu the Slayer. Because of his great succes, he was elected president to rid the country of maddcommunists (regular communists forced to eat bullshit communist doctrines for 50 years).

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Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli

Oameni buni, stati bine cu rabdarea, nu?

Gata, tac!

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Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli

This is for all you girls 30 years and over.... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's...AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!...This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.


"As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all.Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be appreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.

Justina,

Am ras cu lacrimi. Partea cu turismul mi se pare cea mai "tare"

 

Thanks

Prism wrote:

This is for all you girls 30 years and over.... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's...AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!...This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.

You just made my day! ...de fapt zilele, lunile, anii care-mi lipsesc pana schimb prefixul... Si eu care ma gandeam cu teroare la ziua neagra din calendar...

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Live Free or Die.

arissa wrote:

Si eu care ma gandeam cu teroare la ziua neagra din calendar...

Ai intrat in perioada "numa' buna" madam (25-35) Pirguita cit trebuie, experimentata exact cit e necesar...mai mare placerea  Tot inainte !

Dupa 35 trebuie ancore, botox, liftinguri, "boob enhancements" ca sa stai in zona "desirable". Andy Rooney nu e chiar Fat Frumos plus ca bate suta iar aplaudacii de la 60 Minutes oricum sint toti octogenari

But I'm glad you liked it

Prism wrote:

Ai intrat in perioada "numa' buna" madam (25-35) Pirguita cit trebuie, experimentata exact cit e necesar...mai mare placerea  Tot inainte !

...yeah..yeah..etc..etc...si ai uitat sa scrii "busy too".

Prism wrote:

Andy Rooney nu e chiar Fat Frumos plus ca bate suta iar aplaudacii de la 60 Minutes oricum sint toti octogenari But I'm glad you liked it

Cu siguranta nu e tipul meu, dar mie imi place emisiunea . Apropos, duminica a fost ceva si pe gustul tau, cu femeile musulmane care sunt maltratate fizic si psihic de barbatii lor, se numea ceva de genul "submission/slaughter", daca imi aduc bine aminte. Sa nu zici ca nu-ti dau idei...

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Live Free or Die.

arissa wrote:

"busy too".

Now you're talking...busy doing what ???? C'mon madam spill the beans...I'm all eyes and ears Need all the juicy details

arissa wrote:

Cu siguranta nu e tipul meu, dar mie imi place emisiunea . Apropos, duminica a fost ceva si pe gustul tau, cu femeile musulmane care sunt maltratate fizic si psihic de barbatii lor, se numea ceva de genul "submission/slaughter", daca imi aduc bine aminte. Sa nu zici ca nu-ti dau idei...

I would've been dissapointed if AR was your type..so don't feel bad About muslim chicks ...sorry I missed it ('ll keep an eye for reruns).....still I consider muslim men much more manly than the majority of the brain-washed, purse-holding, baby rocking, women-pleasing, chromozome-altered, testosterone-deprived christian and sex transparent white eunuchs. No pun intended.

Proces de viol.

Acuzatul intra in boxa martorilor si povesteste cum si ce sa intamplat.

Sa vedeti dom' judecator...Eu mergeam cu camionul 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. Si la un moment dat o domnisoara face autostopul. Opresc. Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. O iau pe domnisoara in masina. Dupa 15 min. domnisoara zice "vreau covrigei cu sare". Ii cumpar covrigei cu sare. Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit.Ea arunca covrigei cu sare si eu ii zic:

- Dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat covrigeii.

-Mie nu imi plac covrigei cu sare vreau covrigei cu susan.

Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. Ii cumpar covrigei cu susan. Ea arunca covrigei cu susan si eu ii zic

-Dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat covrigeii.

-Mie nu imi plac covrigei cu susan vreau covrigei cu mac.

Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit.Ii cumpar covrigei cu mac. Ea arunca covrigei cu mac si eu ii zic dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat covrigeii. Mie nu imi plac covrigei cu mac vreau covrigei cuzahar. Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. Ii cumpar covrigei cu zahar. Ea arunca covrigei cu zahar si eu ii zic dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat covrigeii. Mie nu imi plac covrigei cu zahar vreau covrigei cu rahat.Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. Ii cumpar covrigei cu rahat. Ea arunca covrigei cu rahat si eu ii zic dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat covrigeii. Mie nu imi plac covrigei cu rahat vreau covrigei cu nuca. Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. Ii cumpar covrigei cu nuca. Ea arunca covrigei cu nuca si eu ii zic dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat covrigeii. Mie nu imi plac covrigei cu nuca vreau covrigei cu stafide. Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. Ii cumpar covrigei cu stafide. Ea arunca covrigei cu stafide si eu ii zic dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat covrigeii. Mie nu imi plac covrigei cu stafide vreau covrigei cu alune.Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. Ii cumpar covrigei cu alune. Ea arunca covrigei cu alune si eu ii zic dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat covrigeii. Mie nu imi plac covrigei cu alune vreau covrigei simpli. Camion mare 16 tone greu pornit greu oprit. Ii cumpar covrigei simpli. Ea arunca covrigei simpli si eu ii zic:

-Dar ce faci draga de ce ai aruncat toti covrigeii?

-Mie nu imi plac covrigei deloc.

PAI SA NU I-O TRAGI ?

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Mesajele postate reprezinta doar o parere personala si in nici-un caz nu trebuiesc tratate ca sfat legal. Va incurajez sa contactati un avocat specializat iar daca folositi informatii din aceste mesaje postate o faceti pe riscul dvs. personal.

3 barbati se laudau cu cadourile cumparate pt sotii.Zice primul:

-Eu i-am cumparat ceva care ajunge de la 0 la 100 in 6 secunde

Ceilalti:

-Inseamna ca e o masina tare

-Da, un Porsche negru, fiindca sotiei mele ii place negrul si se potriveste cu tinutele ei.

Al doilea:

-Eu i-am luat ceva ce ajunge de la 0 la 100 in 4 secunde

-Nu se poate, zic ceilalti, precis e un Ferrari

-Da, raspunde tipul, un Ferrari rosu, pt ca se potriveste cu tinuta sotiei mele Al treile nu zicea nimic. Dar pentru ca tot insista astialalti, zice si el:

-Eu i-am luat ceva ce i se potriveste perfect la tinuta si ajunge de la 0 la 100 in mai putin de o secunda!

Astialalti mirati: nu se poate, doar masina mai rapida decat Ferrari nu este!!!

-Ba se poate: i-am cumparat un cantar!

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Mesajele postate reprezinta doar o parere personala si in nici-un caz nu trebuiesc tratate ca sfat legal. Va incurajez sa contactati un avocat specializat iar daca folositi informatii din aceste mesaje postate o faceti pe riscul dvs. personal.

Thanks laminat, sint excelente amindoua. Welcome back !

- Mâine aniversam 30 de ani de la casatorie, am putea taia porcul?

- Dar de ce? raspunde sotul, doar nu e vina lui...

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O femeie goala se priveste în fata unei oglinzi si îi spune sotului:

- Mi se pare ca sunt oribil de privit, asa de grasa si plina de riduri...Am nevoie de un compliment.

- Ai o vedere extraordinar de buna!

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Mesajele postate reprezinta doar o parere personala si in nici-un caz nu trebuiesc tratate ca sfat legal. Va incurajez sa contactati un avocat specializat iar daca folositi informatii din aceste mesaje postate o faceti pe riscul dvs. personal.

Bond si van Damme:

- Bond. James Bond.
- Damme. van Damme. Claude van Damme. Jean Claude van Damme.

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Mesajele postate reprezinta doar o parere personala si in nici-un caz nu trebuiesc tratate ca sfat legal. Va incurajez sa contactati un avocat specializat iar daca folositi informatii din aceste mesaje postate o faceti pe riscul dvs. personal.

- De ce sunt asa de multi adversari la ideea de clonare umana ?

- Pentru ca deja sunt speriati de prima incercare nereusita.

- Care incercare ?

- Prima! ... Cind D-zeu a facut-o pe Eva din ADN-ul lui Adam.

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Mesajele postate reprezinta doar o parere personala si in nici-un caz nu trebuiesc tratate ca sfat legal. Va incurajez sa contactati un avocat specializat iar daca folositi informatii din aceste mesaje postate o faceti pe riscul dvs. personal.

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack.
    You can be President.
    You can never be pregnant.
    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    The world is your urinal.
    You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    Same work, more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    One mood all the time.
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
     Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    Everything on your face stays its original color.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    You only have to shave your face and neck.
    You can play with toys all your life.
    Your belly usually hides your big hips.
    One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.