By the time you read through this.... YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ..TENJOOBERRYMUDS?

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language!? Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in with the growing trend!!!

Now, here goes...


The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service:

Room Service (RS) : "Morrin.? Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: " Rye.? Roon sirbees...morrin!? Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

G: "Uh.....? Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "... ...What??"

RS: "Ow July den?!?...? pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G: "Oh, the eggs!? How do I like them?? Sorry...? scrambled, please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem?? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay.? An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS: "An toes.? July Sahn toes?"

G: "I...? don't think so"

RS: "No?? Judo wan sahn toes???"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn
toes' means."

RS: "Toes!? Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes?? Ow bow Anglish moppin we
bodder?"

G: "Oh, English muffin!!!? I've got it!? You were saying 'toast'...
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?!?"

G: "I mean butter...? just put the butter on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes.? Coffee, please...? and that's everything."

RS: "One Minnie.? Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy..? rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjooberrymuds."

G: "You're welcome."

--
Seen it all. Done it all.
Can't remember most of it.

--
Seen it all. Done it all.
Can't remember most of it.

---

Life is full of dreams.If you don't dream ...go to sleep.

To the climate of political correctness now pervading America ,Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be
referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as  APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a" BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is  "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

 5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

 6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

      1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a"LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

      2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is  "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

      3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

      4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

      5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

      6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's"REAR CLEAVAGE."

Prism:

furthermore


 6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

     

 1+1= 2 ? 1-1= 1. Punct. Ochit.

---

Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli

Justinia:

 1+1= 2 ? 1-1= 1. Punct. Ochit.

Cum zici tu...Si pe urma mincam

Vezi nu la non-stop ca poate-nchide <wink>.
E greu cu dieta mai ales in RO. In schimb e mai usor sa treci pe rosu, multi meseriasi in RO, stam la verde trecem la rosu.

---

The infinite is in the finite of every instant. (Zen)

Tata, cum am am aparut eu pe lume?? Tata zice: - Baah fiule, cred ca intr-o zi tot ai sa afli! Hai sa-ti spun pe limba ta. Pai, eu si cu maica-ta intr-o zi am intrat intr-o camera de chat a Yahoo-ului. Am aranjat apoi o intilnire via e-mail cu maica-ta si ne-am intilnit intr-un internet cafe virtual. Ne-am strecurat intr-o camera privata, unde maica-ta a fost de acord cu un download din hard-ul meu. Imediat ce eram gata de upload, am descoperit ca nici unul dintre noi nu folosise firewall-ul si fiindca deja era prea tirziu sa dam delete, noua luni mai tirziu a aparut un mic popup care a tipat din toti rarunchii: - You`ve Got Mail !!!! 

- Buna ziua!
- Buna ziua, domnule politist!
- Dumneata, tinere domn, pe gheata asta conduci cu 70 km pe ora? Vrei sa ajungi la spital?
- Da!
- Bravo, frumos raspuns! Esti smecher?
- Nu! Sunt doctor!

luata de pe neogen.ro (bancul zilei)

Forget Rednecks .......here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...

If your local  Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in New England .

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,  you live in New England .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number,  you live in New England ..

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England .

If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England ..

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England .

If you have  switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in New England .

If you can drive 75 mph th! rough 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England ..

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England .

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,  you live in New England .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England ..

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter,  winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England .

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, y ou live in New England .

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in New England . 
 
If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England

If you  actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live in New  England .

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Misto. Vechi-vechi, da' nu obsolete.

---

The infinite is in the finite of every instant. (Zen)

Priscila:

M-am gandit sa ne mai si distram un pic, asa ca am deschis acest topic.Am primit de la niste prieteni acest banc ( eu una m-am distrat copios) asa ca a  sa-l postez:   

Un domn foarte bine imbracat, cu o pasarica pe umar
intra in restaurantVine chelnerul si il intreaba ce doreste?
O ciorba pentru mine si 2 ciorbe pentru pasarica mea,o friptura pentru mine si 2 cotlete pentru pasaricamea, o baterie de vin pentru mine si 1 sticla de Gin
pentru pasarica mea iar la desert, clatite cuciocolata pentru mine si 2 Kg de inghetata pentrupasarica mea ...
Chelnerul se duce la seful de sala si spune:"Shefu' ..am un nebun care a comandat ...."Sheful de sala se duce, la client, spune ca chelnerul
nu a inteles bine si mai ia o data ... aceeasicomanda.I se aduc domnului cele comandate si dupa jumatate deora domnul cheama chelnerul sa plateasca ....
Totul era mancat si farfuriile goale.Domnul plateste, iar chelnerul isi cere scuze si intreaba:
- Nu va suparati, dar ... ce e cu pasarica asta aDumneavoastra?
Domnul zambeste si ii spune: eu sunt pescar ...Si ? intreaba chelnerul
.. Pai am prins pestisorul de aur si a spus ca imiindeplineste 3 dorinte daca ii dau drumul.Prima dorinta a fost sa fiu foarte bogat ... si sunt.A doua dorinta a fost sa fiu un barbat foarte frumossi potent si ... suntsi a treia dorinta a fost sa am permanent langa mine o"pasarica" miica, miica si nesatula
SI UITE CE A INTELES PROSTUL ALA DE PESTE !!!!!!!!!!

PS: Alien, cred ca e permis nu ?

O masina buna Un tip gonea pe autostrada cu mult peste viteza legala. Vazand girofarul unei masini de politie in oglinda, se gandeste: "Am o masina buna si pot sa dispar". Asa ca accelereaza si urmarirea incepe. Cand acul kilometrajului ajunge la capatul cursei, barbatul se gandeste ca ar fi mai bine sa renunte si trage pe dreapta Politistul se apropie de masina si spune: - Asculta, baiete. Am avut o zi groaznica si vreau sa ajung acasa. Inventeaza o scuza buna ca sa te las sa pleci. Tipul se gandeste putin si raspunde: - Acum trei saptamani, sotia mea a plecat cu un politist. Cand te-am vazut in spatele masinii, am crezut ca vrei sa mi-o aduci inapoi!                                                                                        

Cica isi ia ursu un Ferrari si se da mare cu el la iepure. Iepurele intra in masina. Ursu zice: - Ba iepure, mergem cu 300 km/h si iti arat ca ne oprim la 1 cm de prapastie? - Bine. Merge ursu cu 100, 200, 300 si se opreste la 1 cm de prapastie. - Ba iepure... te-ai p...t pe tine? - Da. Pot sa incerc si io???? - Bine. Merge iepurele cu 100, 200, 300, 400km/h. - Ba ursule te-ai p...t pe tine? - Da! - Poti sa te si c..i ca nu ajung la frane!!!                                                                          

 

 

O blonda plictisita sa-si tot bata toata lumea joc de ea se hotaraste sa se vopseasca bruneta si sa faca si ea misto de alti. se urca blonda noastra in masina, bruneta acum si pleca sa-si caute prima victima pe marginea drumului se intalneste cu un cioban opreste masina si ii spune:bade daca dintr-o privire iti spun cate oi ai ma lsi sa-ti iau o oai? ciobanul raspundea se uita blonda si zice 101, ciobanul se uita la ea si zice:acum alegeti oaia. isi ia fata oaia si inainte sa plece ciobanul ii ziceomnisoara daca va spun care este culoarea naturala a parului dumneavoastra imi dati cainele inapoi?..                                                                       

Ai vrea sa-Mi iei un interviu, deci, ??... zise Dumnezeu. - Daca ai timp... i-am raspuns. Dumnezeu a zambit. - Timpul meu este eternitatea. .. Ce intrebari ai vrea sa-Mi pui? - Ce Te surprinde cel mai mult la oameni? Dumnezeu mi-a raspuns: - Faptul ca se plictisesc de copilarie, se grabesc sa creasca...., iar apoi tanjesc iar sa fie copii; ca isi pierd sanatatea pentru a face bani ...... iar apoi isi pierd banii pentru a-si recapata sanatatea. Faptul ca se gandesc cu teama la viitor si uita prezentul, iar astfel nu traiesc nici prezentul nici viitorul; ca traiesc ca si cum nu ar muri niciodata si mor ca si cum nu ar fi trait.

Un betiv intra intr-o biserica catolica si se duce direct la
confesor. Intra in cabina si nu zice nimc. Popa, nedumerit, isi drege
vocea incercand sa-i atraga atentia omului. Asta nimic. Dupa un timp,
bate popa de 3 ori in
peretele despartitor, la care betivul raspunde:
- N-are rost sa bati, nici eu nu mai am hartie.

La un proces plictisitor din cale-afara, cand toti aproape ca
adormisera, un betiv exclama catre procuror:
- Sa ma pupi in fund !
- Afara !
- Nuuu ! Aici, sa vada toata lumea !

Miezul noptii. Un betiv se leagana din gard in gard, cand e oprit de
un politist.
- Actele la control, va rog si sa-mi spuneti unde mergeti! Betivul se
uita
lung si raspunde:
- Ma duc la o conferinta despre efectele nocive ale alcoolului si
despre
riscul betivilor de a deveni ratati.
Politistul se uita la el fix si intreaba:
- La ora asta? Cine tine o conferinta despre asa ceva la miezul
noptii?
- Nevasta-mea si mai mult ca sigur si soacra-mea.

- Sa-ti fie rusine Mitica, zice nevasta. Iar ai venit beat acasa!
- Ca sa respectam adevarul nu eu am venit, m-au adus vecinii.

Doi betivi scot un om pe jumatate inecat dintr-un lac.
- Vezi, asa patesti daca bei apa.

Un betiv, in drum spre casa, se impiedica si cade. Se ridica cu greu,
porneste si iar cade.
- Daca stiam ca o sa mai cad o data, nu ma mai ridicam.

Un politist da tarcoale unui bar, unde se cam consuma mult alcool, in
scopul de a prinde cativa soferi piliti. Un client al barului iese,
se impiedica si incepe sa isi caute cheile cam vreo cinci minute.
Dupa ce le-a gasit, se
taraste si le incearca la vreo patru, cinci masini pana ce o gaseste
pe a lui. Pana ce a ajuns in masina toti ceilalti s-au carat.
Politistul il asteapta bucuros sa iasa in strada. Evident il opreste
pe sofer, ii pune fiola si stupoare 0,00 alcool. Politistul complet
buimac. Soferul in schimb ii spune:
- Teapaaaa.... .in seara asta eu am fost momeala...

Un betiv care raspandea un miros ingrozitor de bautura ieftina si
care avea
un sac si un ziar vechi se urca in autobuz si se aseaza langa un
preot cu un
aspect foarte onorabil. Apoi scoate din sac o sticla de bautura
aproape goala din care bea pana la ultima picatura, dupa care incepe
sa citeasca din
ziar. La un moment dat i se adreseaza preotului:
- Scuzati-ma, parinte, stiti cumva din ce motive se ajunge la
spondiloza?
- Desigur, raspunde preotul, care simtea o neplacere crescanda, pe un
ton de o politete rece si sarcastica. Factorii care duc la spondiloza
sunt: o viata
dezordonata, tovarasia unor femei de calitate indoielnica, consumul
exagerat de tutun si alcool, betii care se termina cu nopti petrecute
in bordeluri, toate astea duc la spondiloza.. .
- Uuuaaauuu! N-as fi crezut niciodata... raspunde betivul si se
intoarce la
ziarul sau.
Preotul, milos de felul lui, dupa ce se gandeste la cele spuse, se
adreseaza
din nou betivului, de data asta pe un ton bland si impaciuitor:
- Scuza-ma, n-am vrut sa te jignesc, de cand suferi de spondiloza,
fiule?
- Eu? Nu, parinte... eu niciodata n-am suferit de asa ceva, tocmai am
citit
in ziar ca Papa are spondiloza.

- Nu po's'nteleg de ce am fost adus la pol .. politie! exclama un
betiv, plin de indignare!
- Pentru bautura! ii raspunde ofiterul de serviciu.
- Pai, de ce nu zici asa? Adu-mi un coniac!

Un betiv se intorcea intr-o seara acasa si se opreste in fata unui
felinar
si incepe sa bata in el. La scurt timp trece un alt betiv care ii
spune :
- Insista, insista, ca e lumina aprinsa!

Doi betivi intr-un bar, unul dintre ei zice:
- De 2 saptamani nevasta ma tot da afara din casa cind vin beat. Ce
sa fac?
- Cand ajungi in fata usii te dezbraci, si ea nu poate sa te lase
afara ca
doar vecinii ce or sa zica?
- OK
Zis si facut. Dupa cateva zile se reintalnesc la bar:
- Ba, am facut cum ai zis tu...
- Da, si?
- Stai sa-ti zic, am ajuns in fata usii, m-am dezbracat, s-a deschis
usa , am
intrat si am auzit "Urmeaza statia Piata Sudului, cu peronul pe
partea
dreapta".

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
'You disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!'
And Paddy (for it was he) replied 'Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened.'
'Fine, go ahead', she sobbed , 'but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And Paddy began

 - 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.'Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste.I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has the same pair.'

Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

 

 

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
 immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You  can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
 
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
 potatoes. Fill it with gravy.  Eat the volcano. Repeat.

 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?  It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
 
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
 three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start
 over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Prism:

rum balls.

"WOO HOO what a ride!"

Mi-ai facut poftaaaa... 

---

Ho sentito un vuoto dentro di me ed un senso di paura mentre il buio delle nuvole era ancora intorno a me.
Poi all'improvviso, sotto di me, un'oceano di luci:cosi tante in una volta sola,non le avevo viste mai:
La Citta degli Angeli